BOOTLEG BLOG
Today's post!
12/18/2024
Second night in a row where I had a nightmare involving children in my family where I'm awoken by thunder outside. If I was a more spiritual person I'd think something bad was about to happen to them, think I'm just stressed about them in general.
12/13/2024
I definitely think my struggle to take care of myself relates to Pervasive Drive for Autonomy (or Pathological Demand Avoidance, just not a fan of that name.)
Bc it feels like a lot of the time I'm only taking care of myself so other people aren't grossed out, not for my own benefit or comfort. Because that's what people always say when I try to seek advice. It's kinda depressing honestly. Like I said yesterday, people putting social approval above caring for themselves.
Brushing my teeth is a tiiny bit easier but that's because I had so many cavities as a kid, I know the consequences first hand. Showering almost always is a social thing when I ask people about it. That or peopel are like "isn't showering relaxing?" and honestly, no. I just find it inconvenient. I wish the human body just, didn't get gross and stinky.
I find it relaxing when I have a bathbomb or shower steamers! But I can't have those constantly.
I just need to remember I'm taking care of myself for MY health. Not for other people. Just wish other people wouldn't make it feel that way.
Speaking of Pervasive Drive for Autonomy, I definitely assume that's connected to why I'd sometimes feel intense dread and discomfort about things I WANT to do, just because I don't have the option to NOT do it if I don't want to at that time. Some social obligations and such. I'll want to do it but the moment the choice to back out is removed I don't wanna do it anymore, no longer feels like my choice even though it was. Extremely fucking frustrating feeling.
12/12/2024
I've been struggling extremely hard with taking care of myself lately, any form of motivation I seek online always go towards social acceptance which just demotivates me even more. I don't care about social approval what other people think of me doesn't matter to me, if anything it makes me feel like autonomy is removed from me if that makes sense, I don't wanna do shit just because ~people will think I'm weird if I don't~
I need shit like how showering helps mental and physical health. But people put social approval in such high regards that they disregard taking care of themselves. Makes me not wanna do anything.
12/09/2024
The heart burn demons will not fuck off this morning, god forbid I have normal stomach acid.
From this point forward I'm gonna start hosting any non-essay related images on imgur to save on space, since now that Imgur isn't just refusing to work for some reason.
If I see anymore videos from parents complaining that their autistic child isn't a complete bundle of joy on Christmas I'm genuinely gonna lose my shit. I'm tired of parents being told their child is autistic and they decide to not do any research at all of how it affects the child, and even when they do they still feel the need to force their mental image of sociaty's happy family instead of actually having the child be happy.
They don't give a shit about their kid, they just wanna follow their white picket fence dream that society made them want. Playing pretend doll house instead of reality. It doesn't help that odds are, at least one of the parents is undiagnosed autistic, but they've become so far up their ass obsessed with appearing normal to the outer world that they'll mock their child online.
Posting your child online before they can give a yes or no is shitty parenting, especially if the child is having an autistic meltdown, where in which they will be mocked by the wider internet because people stop seeing children as human the moment they're any level of annoying to them.
Parents who post their autistic child's darkest moments for internet validation genuinely deserve to burn in hell.
12/08/2024
grahhhh I'm so thankful my manager let me go home early cuz today was EXHAUSTING, so fucking overstimulated, I felt like I was slowly shutting down.
I just found out that TV cat BJDs exist and I want one so so so SOOOOOO bad, I've been wanting to get into BJDs for awhile but they're extremely expensive, it's a little late for Christmas, maybe birthday...
I've also been tempted to give in to my cosmic urge to make kandi bracelets, it's just that everytime I go to any arts and crafts store I either get overwhelmed by options or just can't find what I want.
12/07/2024
I couldn't help but open my parents' Christmas present early because I knew EXACTLY what it was!
I adore this sweater so so much it's so cute and comfyyyy
12/06/2024
So extremely overstimulated after work today, I despise physical contact from a mass majority of people and people kept brushing up against me and touching my shoulder. Stop stop stop touching me, I wish people didn't take it so personally.
12/04/2024
Revamped my rainmeter set up entirely and I'm super happy with it! You can see it here, it has spoilers for FFXIV Endwalker in it so I'm not gotta post it outright. But wanted to share regardless.
12/02/2024
Had a dream last night where I was playing mahjongg, specifically FFXIV mahjongg, with Jacksepticeye and a mutual friend I don't really talk to. Very simple dream but it was weirdly vivid and real.
I learned how to tie my scarf into a bow and I'm literally obsessed now, I'm gonna do it every time I go out while it's cold now.
12/01/2024
I wish I didn't feel obligated to have an Instagram and wasn't so attached to Tumblr as a platform. I wanna be able to abandon social media entirely, it just kinda makes me miserable, but also the idea of how aggresively out of the loop of important events I'd be without social media makes me anxious, I need to find a way to stay in the loop without social media.
11/30/2024
Went to a very nice small business today!! A witch themed coffee shop, their coffee was fantastic! I wish I could've stayed longer but I spent so much time overthinking where I should park that before I knew it my phone was at %5.
I wanted to go to the record shop right across from it but couldn't, kinda tempted to go back out once my phone is charged but it's gonna snow tonight and I wanna attempt to record stuff for a video I wanna make.
11/29/2024
Thinking about picking up both Gore Screaming Show and Happy Saint SHEOL for this years Autumn sale as a treat. Life hasn't been kind lately, I need my self care (visual novels that will psychologically destroy me)
11/25/2024
cdawgva's newest video is so incredibly fucking important, hatred and anger is so fucking normalized on the internet, it's genuinely upsetting. I don't give as shit about how "oh that's just how the internet is" I'm not gonna let being a shitty person get normalized because people would rather ignore shitty behavior than call it out.
So many people are way too fucking comfortable being judgemental angry people, do some fucking self reflection instead of going "eww cringe cringe cringe", shitting on and being a judgemental fuck on the internet makes you a fucking pussy. Brave and cool people self reflect.
11/21/2024
Been sick with a cold for the past 2 days, my nose is so stuffy rn I hate hate hate it!!!! my left nostral is partially clogged and my right nostral is completely clogged, it's so uncomfortable to breathe. I got myself some tea to hopefully help.
11/19/2024
Every time I see a post about "girl's girl" I wonder why I struggle to connect so much with other women, yeah sure I have traditionally '''boyish''' interests and I don't really consider myself feminine personality wise, but that can't be it right?
There is women I get along with, but they're usually in some way also seen as 'atypical' by society. A mass majority of women just, don't like me or don't vibe with me. I tend to click with guys easily as long as they're y'know, not assholes, so not a very high bar.
A majority of people who I'm aware of who have ever disliked me have been women or fem identifiying adjacent, I genuinely don't know what I'm doing for this to happen, I wish I could get along with them more! Not that I have zero, it's just that my friends are like %90 guys, it's just something that's always bugged me because I don't know why I get on girls' bad side so often.
The only one who's ever verbally communicated exactly why to me said she thought I was so mean because I set a boundery when she tried to sit with me on work break saying "I'm sorry, I like to spend my breaks alone" and how direct I was at correcting her mistakes at work, but I'm not stupid I'm not gonna assume ~every woman must hate when I set bounderies because of this singular one~
Is it my autism? Then why do I get along with generally neurotypical dudes well? Actually, I take that back, most of my male friends have ADHD, autism, schizophrenic spec or some sort of mental health condition. Maybe I'm just better at finding neurodivergent guys than girls? Wraps around to the whole fact that neurodivergency in women always going unnoticed and how SUPPOSEDLY girls are better at masking than guys (I don't believe this entirely, I just think there's simultaniously more social pressure for girls and that it's more normalized for girls to be ~quirky~)
That was actually kinda hard to type out, despite being diagnosed as a child I'm still struggling to come to full acceptance because of childhood stuff.
11/18/2024
DELETE YOUR TWITTER ACCOUNT!!!!!!! YOU'LL BE SO MUCH MORE HAPPY!!!!!! TWITTER AND ALMOST EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA SITE PROFITS OFF OF YOUR MISERY AND RAGE!!!!!!!! DELETE IT NOW!!!!!
11/13/2024
My boyfriend and I finished Toradora, I forgot how good that anime is, it makes me so sad that the ending is such a cliff hanger, I swear I thought there was a 2nd season but I guess not, I genuinely have no clue where I got that information from. But regardless I cried like a fucking baby. We love Taiga on this website.
11/10/2024
"Expect me to be more active on here" I say as I disappear for 4 days, a lot's been going on, I'll go more into it in the future probably.
11/06/2024
Survive out of sheer spite.
I'm gonna take a good ol' social media cleansing given everything, so expect me to be more active on here for a bit.
11/05/2024
It's election day! Also known as tension day! Yay!
In uh, different news, my boyfriend and I have started watching Toradora! I watched it years ago and loved it and my boyfriend loves both romance and the tsundere archetype. He's been really liking it so far.
Today was tiring as fuck, my body felt like it was shutting down midshift and I had to kinda carry the shift as the other person with me on the line is new (not hating on her, more hating on how poorly the training job is around here) and I had to stay late because we had to do a lot of cleaning.
11/04/2024
My blood sugar dropped really bad yesterday to the point I have to leave work early, it feels like I'm still lightly recovering today. I'm honestly proud of myself for saying that I need to go home, Raven a year ago would've never.
11/02/2024
Went out and got a delicious sundae, had strawberry cheesecake ice cream, whipcream, nuts, fudge, and a hot brownie. Amazing.
I sewed up my jeans a little bit, we'll see how well they'll hold up tomorrow, the thread that came with the jean patches wasn't that much which means I didn't have much room for error and I've never sewn by hand before.
10/28/2024
Really want to make a new page on here or write on the Soundless essay but, I've been so fucking tired it's insane. My brain doesn;t wanna even look at words anymore.
10/25/2024
Odd type of rush today, an actual bus full of old people, like 50 old people came in, it was comical how many old people walked in.
10/22/2024
Learned how to iron on denim patches to repair my jeans, definitely not perfect and I'll have to fix it later, but I'm still very proud of myself! Definitely cheaper than buying new jeans.
I think I'm actually gonna start collecting patches for my jacket now.
Wore my earplugs at work today and they did wonders!! I didn't feel absolutely drained upon getting home, crazy how I feel better when I accomidate myself.
10/21/2024
Tried out my earplugs and they're super good! Excited to really actually test them out, probably tomorrow since I wanna try beating FFXIV Endwalker today.
10/19/2024
Trying to find somewhere to sell an old lolita dress of mine since unfortunately it simply just doesn't fit me anymore and also I've long given up on lolita fashion as it's expensive and not good for my sensory issues.
10/18/2024
Finally ordered some earplugs for work, or for life in general. I need to take steps to accomidate for myself, and I asked online and most people said most managers won't give a shit as long as I clarify "these are earplugs to improve my focus, not earbuds."
10/15/2024
Had a nightmare so intense my body feels sore, I don't even know how that happens. The nightmare was that the worlds started ending, like The Rapture levels of world ending, not even the worst nightmare I've had but my body hurts now.
10/14/2024
Completely forgot that I was meaning to record the audio for the video I've been wanting to make yesterday, I ended up doing basically nothing because I've been so tired. Maybe I might just try to do it on a day after I work while my boyfriend is still at work.
10/09/2024
Kind Words 2 is offically out! Highly recommended for those who have big emotions and want somewhere to go but for one reason or another struggle to convey it to others.
Oh yeah! something I forgot to say yesterday cuz I was busy being, fucking miserable. I made absolutely perfect waffles yesterday and I feel so proud of myself, just needed to mess with the recipe a bit to work with being eggless and I did it!! I'm so happy.
10/08/2024
Playing my favorite game, am I coming down with an illness or is my body just giving up on me because of stress? (or the secret third thing, caffeine withdrawl)
My head hurts a lot, I feel incredibly tired, it sucks.
10/07/2024
Got to go out in the first time in a hot minute and got to go to my favorite local coffee shop! They have they Autumn menu now, I tried their "Autumn Chai", which is a chai latte with apple and it is AMAZING!!
I really like my outfit today :) I don't know if you can see it but I'm also wearing my red mage job stone necklace.
10/05/2024
God I've needed this day off I can feel it in my body. I was originally gonna make a quick run to the grocery to grab a couple things I forgot but I ended up just doordashing the stuff because I felt so physically drained. it's a rest day I think.
10/04/2024
I've been having a lot of nightmares again, I hate how vivid they are. I haven't even been that stressed, at least I don't think.
You know it's been a long day when I'm pulling up clips of my comfort characters being oh so silly.
10/01/2024
The way the coding end of Neocities looks has changed just enough to kind of bother me, it's a little disorientating.
Gonna be trying out a new float idea! Peach soda with vanilla ice cream!! I adore peach flavored stuff so I am excited.
09/30/2024
My FFXIV brain rot is so strong I struggled to sleep last night oops, now I'm tired as fuck.
09/27/2024
Weather is gonna be nasty today, winds ranging from 20 to 30 mph, riding the line on it being too dangerous to drive, with gusts of 50-60.
I'm genuinely considering maybe asking my boyfriend to drive me to work if we can figure it out logistically (since I leave work at arond 9:10pm and he leaves at 12:00am) since he offered yestersay and he's a lot better of a driver than me.
I'd probably just tough it out if the road to my work didn't attract the worst drivers in the world. Like "exclusively U-turning at no U-turn signs and weeving through traffic with no blinker on a 30 speed limit"
09/24/2024
I'm having a hard time doing anything lately.
09/23/2024
Oops, sorry for disappearing for a little bit, I've been either too exhausted to do anything, at work, or rewriting my Marciess Gmod Stream essay in order to make it a video essay!
Regardless, I've been exhausted, I'm still exhausted, it feels like I haven't gotten any proper time to rest. And I have important shit to do today as well.
09/17/2024
There was a point in time where I felt the need to try to correct peoples' paths in life in fear of them hurting or them making the wrong choice. Obsessed with the idea of being a 'protector' more than a friend. I've moved past that now, at least I think I have.
My complex around needing to save as many people as possible was toxic to me and to thoise around me, I needed to change.
Unfortunately I feel part of the reason of the realization is because I've realized that in terrible truth most of the worst of the world is out of our control, including things that happen to us, to them, to me. We cannot "locus of control" our way out of our suffering.
But we still live.
09/16/2024
I hate how strong of negative reactions I can have at small things, blowing up at any mistake I make. I wanna be able to make waffles without blowing up because for whatever reason the waffles turn out shit despite me following the instructions step by step.
But, if it's what has to happen in order for me to learn, than in anger I'll learn it.
Really is a metaphor for my life though, when I do exactly as I'm 'supposed' to everything falls apart, but the moment I do things my own way (I didn't follow the instructions last time I made waffles) everything goes correctly. Something something my life is better when I follow my own path and not what society wants of me.
09/12/2024
THE INCREDIBLY ANNOYING CO-WORKER IS GONE!!! HE QUIT!!! I CAN NOW GO TO WORK WITH LESS DREAD NOW!!! YEAAAAAH!!!!!
09/10/2024
I want my brain to stop giving me incomprehensible yet extremely vivid dreams to the point that for a solid 10-15 minutes upon waking up I can't tell the line between reality and dream.
I woke up thinking their was a computer chip in my brain just because that was the case in my dream, it was fucking weird.
09/09/2024
HAPPY CIRNO DAY!!!
Entirely unrelated but it's been so insane to me how much simply just making my own food everyday as improved my mental and physical health, it really is just that simple sometimes.
I learned how to make quesadillas and I've been eaching them so much since. I wanna learn how to make tacos and burritos next.
09/07/2024
Got myself a frozen coffee as a bit of a treat because god knows I need it right now.
09/06/2024
I've had a lot on my mind.
I've been very frequently stuck in thought loops, thinking about peoples' difficulty to confront that they could potentially not understand everything about the human experience and how they face this with anger rather than curiousity.
People would rather double down on being wrong on neurodivergency conditions such as autism, OCD, etc, than learn that their way of experiencing reality isn't the only one. I don't get why, logically why would your brain be the only way a brain could function? If the concept of being wrong about something discomfort you so much you get angry then why are you not willing to learn? Don't you hate being wrong?
Personally I love learning, my experience on reality isn't the only one, neither is yours, even if you don't have a specified neurodivergence, even if you have the same/similar neuro make-up, our realities aren't the same. I love learning about other peoples' realities. Why do people hate it?
And why do people hate being inconvenienced so much? We as a society are constantly complaining about the populations decreasing attention span and patience and yet it feels so incredibly normalized to be angry when someone 'inconveniences' them in one way or another.
Be it something small like being a kind of slow driver or something major like being unable to have difficulty with a task due to a disability, they are both treated with such rage. And yet they complain about others' impatience.
People struggle so much to question their own behaviors, I wonder if most people are just afraid of being wrong. Why is being wrong punished so harshly but also not punished at all? I don't get it, I don't ghet it.
It isn't hard to ask and communicate another person's whys and hows, but people see it as so discomforting they directly fuck themselves over, planting seeds for future conflict.
We need to end the assumption we should magically know what people are thinking, even if you don't have a disorder that affects your ability to read non-verbal social cues it's awful. If we communicate clearly we can learn and be a lot happier and a lot less angry.
I just need to get these thoughts out, I wanna be out of this thought loop already.
09/04/2024
TW THIS NIGHTMARE RETELLING CONTAINS BRIEF DESCRIPTIONS OF BUGS, BLOOD, AND DECAYING FLESH
Woke up from a nightmare where I was in my childhood bathroom with my boyfriend for some reason and there was this unspecified bug jumping around the place, looked like a weird fusion of a brown recluse and a tick, it bit my legs multiple times and my legs started to go numb, bleed, and the wounds began to look like they were rotting.
My boyfriend claimed we had to take me to the hospital immediately but for some reason we had to walk there, it felt like we kept teleporting all over the place as it became harder and harder for me to walk, I specifically remember a city but the tram was replaced with swings you had to sit on to get anywhere.
09/03/2024
Waking up drained and filled with dread, I don't wanna go to work.
I'm starting to genuinely consider getting a 2nd job, especially if they keep underscheduling me.
09/01/2024
First day of September!! I want it to get cold already :(
Made bacon for the first time today and I feel like I did a good job! Maybe a tiny bit undercooked but I like my red meat medium rare anyways.
Float of the day: vanilla ice cream with Mountain Dew Purple Thunder. A bit experimental but shcokingly good!
08/31/2024
FINALLY, DAYS OFF, I AM FREE FOR NOW AAAAA
This work week was hell I'm so happy to be free, I got myself a giant coffee as a treat.
I'm so sad there's no Hong Cha near us, they're doing a collab with FFXIV and I really wanted a cute cup, but the nearest one is like 11 hours away :(
08/29/2024
Oh my god fuck today, Taichi took fucking forever just to make a cup of fruit and kept complaining how long it takes to make, this kid is driving me up a wall.
I wanna finish writing my essay on Soundless so bad but I'm, so tired. I have no mental strength to do so, hopefully this weekend refreshes my mind.
08/28/2024
It's another annoying teenager co-worker story! I talk about him so much I'm just gonna call him Taichi because he's like Taichi from Cross Channel just without any of the character development (I've also not come close to finishing Cross Channel)
So Taichi's current arc is that he watches anime now, which genuinely shocked be as he seems like the type to mock anyone for watch anime, but now he's aggresively insisting that he's learning "self taught Japanese" just because he can quote a singular line from Bleach.
He's also going on a trip to Japan with his family and INSISTS he's gonna be sooooo popular in Japan and how he's gonna be fluent in Japanese.
He's gonna make a fool of himself I can't wait.
08/27/2024
THE SONIC 3RD MOVIE TRAILER IS OUT!!!
And I am, mostly excited but lightly worried.
Like, all of it looks great, but why is Gerald alive??? Like I figured they weren't gonna have him fuckin executed via firing squad like in the original, but why is he alive????
And Sonic working WITH the government is disappointing but not surprising, Paramount doesn't have the balls to make the statement of "the government is full of people actively lying to you and will actively throw you under the bus to cover up their mistakes" like the original did
But, other than that it looks great! I can't wait to watch a little girl die on screen.
08/26/2024
Woke up in a state of panic and with a lingering feeling that something is gonna go wrong. I can't remember what dream I had for the life of me but I can only imagine that's what caused it. I hate so much when this happens.
I think I might go through with making a shakes and floats page at some point, maybe not for a minute since I made the DnD section not that long ago and I have some essays I wanna finish, but definitely in the future.
08/25/2024
Did not wanna get up this morning, I do not wanna go to work, I don't wanna.
But, on the bright side, new ice cream float today!!! Today we used Cherry Dr Pepper with vanilla ice cream and it was AMAZING!!! I think this is our best work so far. I adore it!!
Maybe I should made a list of floats and shakes on this website for you guys to make too! Not sure if I'll do it just yet. But maybe.
08/24/2024
Today we made swiss roll milkshakes and they were so so so good, I randomly found a blender our old roommate left behind and never grabbed so it's ours now lol. I wanna make so many shakes now.
08/23/2024
My body fucking hurt all shift today it was unbearable. My ribs hurt so bad I could barely function and it took so fucking long for my ibuprofen to kick in.
08/22/2024
My body feels uncomfortable and hurts, I wanna crawl out of my skin right now. It's a rest day today
Every light is too bright, every texture is bad, I hate everything, thank god I'm not going to work today.
My mind is back to being spiratic, I wanna read but I just can't, the words are just shapes, none of them getting processed.
08/21/2024
Opposite problem now, I'm incredibly restless and on edge. Thankfully I have tomorrow off, usually I'd complain but, I don't mine one extra day off.
I'm so glad I have tomorrow off because my co-workers were driving me up the fucking wall today.
My mind is so spiratic tonight, I can't stay in one place mentally for too long without switching gears. My thoughts are running too fast. Thank god I have tomorrow off. I wanna write but my brain just keeps going everywhere ever.
Speaking of spiratic, everytime I think about the modern trend of 'lookmaxxing' I think about how fucked it is, yeah shit like mewing is funny as fuck and I can laugh at people who genuinely think it works but(TW SELF HARM AND BODY HARM)
then I see shit about people talking about purposefully breaking bones in their face and reconstructing how their bone structure is and I'm like holy fuck, I wish body dysmorphia was taken more seriously in men, fuck I wish body dysmorphia was taken more seriously PERIOD.
08/20/2024
I'm so fucking tired this morning, I slept fine so I don't know why. I really, really don't wanna go to work. I still haven't ordered my earplugs because I'm trying to save money. Today is gonna be miserable.
08/19/2024
Rainmeter check!!
It's a little less of a cluster fuck now, my wallpaper is art by Shinanashina
I deal with Costochondritis pretty frequently but everytime it comes in I get paranoid, my mind immediately becomes convinced I'm about to have a heart attack, but I'm not, I know this exact feeling, so I don't know why my brain is so hellbent on tricking me into thinking I'm having a heart attack.
My ibuprofen finally kicked in but I still feel general discomfort, like I can feel the inflamed cartilage still just it doesn't hurt anymore.
08/18/2024
I managed to fix my drawing tablet!! It was having a lot of issues for awhile and I finally fixed it! I just had to reinstall the drivers twice I guess lol, I think something went wrong when I first updated my drivers. But I can draw again!!
Now if only I had any inspiration at all, I'm so tired this morning for some reason, and I went to bed earlier than usual, so I don't know what happened. Well, I'm mentally tired but physically restless, worst state to be in for drawing.
08/17/2024
Went on a walk with my boyfriend to the shopping center next to us, I got a new shirt and a big water bottle! So excited to put a bunch of stickers on it! We also stopped by a local donut shop and it was FANTASTIC!! I got a donut with stawberry and chocolate frosting, it was AMAZING!!! I think it's the first time I've had fresh warm donuts, amazing.
In my journey to cook more I made some bowtie pasta with alfredo sauce, it was really good! I have left-overs for tomorrow too now.
08/16/2024
Trying to hold myself accountable and actually take care of myself every day. I know I can do it I just need to keep the ball rolling.
Really hope today goes smoothly at work, at least I have a weirdly short shift. We'll also be going back to closing at 9 instead of 10, HOPEFULLY that means we'll go back to having 2 or 3 people closing the main line, but now that they know that people kind of can close all 3 on their own I would not be shocked if they prioritize saving money on workers than actually treating their workers well.
Trying to stop clentching my jaw, I get medical botox for my TMJ and thankfully it feels like it's still active but I don't wanna keep doing it.
08/15/2024
I'm back from visiting my family and hometown!!! With some new found motivation as well!
I was mostly visiting old places, I visited the coffee shop I went to all the time, walked in the park I used to live right next to, it was very nice.
Also while I was there, I got a hair cut!!! I had been meaning to for awhile because I struggle to keep up with how incredibly high maintenance having both thick and long hair with a fuck ton of strands is. It's an A line bob cut that's a bit longer than the usual one, being a little bit below my neck in the back and slightly past my shoulders in the front. I kinda wish I got it a tiny bit shorter but hey there's next time.
Trying to ride this motivation high as much as possible so I cleaned a bit, proud of myself.
Sensory input hurt so much today I almost started crying because of how much sound hurt, I need to commit and buy some earplugs even though I know some people will be weird about it.
08/10/2024
Tomorrow I'm gonna be leaving to visit some family, I'll be back on the 14th (though probably won't post again til the 15th)
Got myself a nice burito and soup from Trader Joe's, I think I should start doing what my Dad used to do and just put a shit ton of random stuff into a tortilla and call that lunch, he's in such good health honestly I should copy his health habits in general and we're so genetically similar.
08/09/2024
The Kind Words 2 playtest makes me feel the same amount of comfort as the first one did when I first played it, this sense of hope that kind hearted people are still out there but still with the realistic showcase that people are struggling. When stuck in the constant grind, seeing people simply living their lives is, comforting to me. There are so many people in this world, so many individual lives, so many differences. The world is alive.
08/08/2024
I got accepted to participate in the Kind Words 2 playtest I'm so happy!! I am absolutely in love with it so far. It's such a comforting little title.
Yeah I'm definitely gonna get earplugs when I get home from this vacation, I know my brain is wired differently from most and I need to do what I have to do in order to function properly.
08/07/2024
As happy as I am to be visiting my hometown soon I'm also dreading it, I HATE going to the airport, everything feels so overly complicated, and there's so many people, I hate it I hate it I haaate it.
I am, overloaded. I want earplugs for work, but that'll never happen.
Ate too much sugar in an attempt to feel better, I feel better mentally now but feel worse physically.
08/05/2024
My boyfriend and I have been watching Komi Can't Communicate, I'm really happy he's actually enjoying it! I'm always super paranoid when I introduce anyone to comedy anime because I fear they won't find it funny or at worse will be like "this is cringey" and drop it. I'm very thankful.
I'm gonna tear my diaphragm out if these hiccups don't stop, I think it's acid reflux triggered cuz I had very bad heart burn this morning and my throat feels coated and sore.
Oh god it's gonna be a sensory bad day, everything is itchy and showing today felt like torture, everything feels Bad and Gross and I hate it so fucking much. I hate when my sensory issues just suddenly get worse for a day because the previous on was tiring in a way I had no control over. I usually like my brain's abnormalities, days like these make me hate it.
I ate breakfast I am normal now, I made biscuits and sausage gravy. :)
My boyfriend and I made some orange cream soda floats!!! They're so so so good. Simply just orange cream soda (the brand we used only exists in the state we live in), vanilla ice cream, and whip cream. So good, and also thank god because my blood sugar was starting to drop because of the coffee I had.
Had wayyy too much sugar and now my body feels like it's shutting down on me, at least it's night time so I don't have to do any physically taxing.
08/04/2024
I had a great day yesterday so naturally I feel like complete shit today, if I wasn't going into work earlier than usual today I'd probably still be in bed. I just don't wanna do anything at all, let's hope this coffee just literally anything.
I wished I didn't work today, I wish I could have 3 days off a week and afford it, god i need to bug my managers about promoting me.
I feel a little better now thanks to 2 coffees! Who needs therapy when you can chug caffeine /J
I also went to the grocery to grab stuff I forgot to grab and then proceeded to forget to grab more coffee grounds, I am trapped in an endless cycle of forgetting one singular thing from the grocery store.
08/03/2024
I came super close to buying an Azumaril plush today, I love Azumaril and he is just so shaped but Pokemon plushes cost so much money. Maybe I should ask for one for Christmas.
But I did go on an ice cream date with my boyfriend today! I got a special sundae with coffee ice cream, hot fudge, a hot brownie, and of course whip cream with a cherry on top. It was AMAZING but I am also extremely sugar hyper now because of it lol.
08/02/2024
GRAAAAH I HAVE THE STRONG URGE TO BUY NEW FIDGET/STIM TOYS I MUST RESIST I'M SAVIUNG UP FOR MORE STICKS OF RAM FOR MY COMPUTER I MUST RESIIIIIIIST!!!
But there's so many cool ones online thooooough, I wanna get a more textured one, I love love textures.
08/01/2024
I made a half-elf warlock DnD character that I am DESPERATE to use in a campeign now, I was trying to brainstorm some sort of concept of a warlock that their patron contract was formed against their will and my boyfriend pitched the idea that their parents signed the patronship under their infants name and took all of the benefits while their child was stuck with whatever patron they made the deal with.
I NEED TO PLAY THIS KID NOW, HIS NAME IS AROBEN AND HE IS A VERY NOT OK TEENAGE BOY.
Did you know?
The left brain right brain notion is a complete misconception. Along with the notion that we use only 10% of our brains, if anything a very large amount of our brains goes off at even the smallest of tasks.
Also sprite source is here